No one sells sweatshirts in Europe....are sweatshirts an American phenomenon?....

Homesickness kicked me in the gut today. Perhaps something about seeing all these cliche rich American art school kids at occupy Berlin last night, protesting their parents who are funding their trip/life style..... or being mostly indoors the last two days playing old jazz standards while its rains outside. Its also quite possible that it all has something to do with the fact that I'm a terrifyingly moody person no matter what country I'm in. I don't want to get rid of it...Sometimes I want to understand it but its hard to write music when I get totally objective about my life.

There has also been a bizarre murder epidemic in the area. Mostly due to tension in Islamic fundamentalist households (I hate to paint a bad picture...but it is the picture that is being reported in the news and I'm not interested enough in most peoples lives to use my telepathy to know whats 'really' going on) A man 3 blocks away from my home stay severed his wife's head in front of their 6 children and threw it off the balcony two days ago. so there's that. Then a twenty something guy who cut up his ex lover and hid all the parts was found in a Berlin cafe yesterday. This stuff could happen all the time, I don't know, I typically don't read the newspaper because its highlights the insane and I get enough of them without having to read about them in the newspaper...But my host mom is always reading the news paper and loves a good scandal....so there we are.

Out of curiosity I looked up homesick remedies and found lists of utter stupidity. Mostly people suggesting that you should suppress your feelings with a plethora of activities. I do that all the time anyway. I would like to try something new while I have the time for reflection available. I think that's one of the wonderful things about traveling...the space for reflection. Reflection isn't always fun...I think its mostly rather harsh on the ego and recently, leaning toward nostalgia.

Having said that, tomorrow I start with a choir here in Germany! The last two days have been slow as I have been recovering from my cold but I'm actually intrigued by the slower pace. It gives the inner world a chance to show itself, methinks.

note: I'm next to Martin Luther Strasse (street) here in Berlin...Different Martin Luther same landmark for "bad" neighborhood?....Although bad neighborhood here comes nothing close to a bad neighborhood in the US. nowhere near. just. no. Here when they say "bad neighborhood" they usually mean "not as pretty as most" or something along those lines.....



read this quote today from Vernon Howard...it very much applies

" Beyond the present you there is another life for you, and you, listening to the talk, are sensing the truth of what I just said but it’s very weak and timid, and you’re worried, so deeply concerned over what will happen to you if you go too far in the spiritual trip. What is happening to you now? You’re afraid something bad is going to happen to you — it’s happening to you now! Exercise: Sit quietly and say, “There is no need right now for me to be me.” That will confuse you because you don’t know what you’re talking about but you’re saying something right, something true, something good. That indicates that there is something beyond it which there is, and you will find it, live it, know it when you know absolutely that your good is bad. You are never going to ‘make it’ because you don’t exist as you think you do. Fall in love with something that is really magnificent. Right spiritual method to let the new appear: If you sit quietly amidst the ruins and wrecks of your own life, and you just sit there quietly with all the broken lumber and glass all around you; if you just sit there and do nothing you will attract God. You will attract the heavenly kingdom. After all the wreckages you are willing at last, after all these years, to let God be God........................................................................... Sit in that room every day for years and years and years, and obey the one small but all-powerful and all-compassionate instruction that this is what you are supposed to do. Just sit there in the chair, and as nervous and anxious and worried and scared as you get, endure it unto the very end. When [you do this] the evil forces — [which are] 95% of your inner state — all come together, knowing and laughing with sick glee at how easy it is to fool anyone, no matter how well educated, no matter how famous, no matter if he’s called an intellectual. How easy it is to fool the great and the wealthy and the famous as well as anyone else; and it’s a fact, billions of human beings at this moment have absolutely refused to do what Truth wants them to do, which is to sit in the chair and see what happens when you withdraw you from you. You have to act on the little bit of truth you first have and I have been giving you ways to act on it."